A Peak Into My Crazy

Are you more fearful or courageous as you age? 

Be careful. Don’t answer too quickly. It may lead you into uncomfortable territory. 

I turn 50 in a month and I’m asking myself that question. I turn it around and around. I try to ignore the truth but I refuse to lie to myself or to you. My buddy Fear and I are pretty constant companions lately. I wish I could say we weren’t so well acquainted. I wish I could say I was the hero-save-the-world-kind-of-person. 

Nope. 

It’s just me and Fear getting cozy. And God. 

Having faith that I am not alone in this messy life reassures my crazy self. I pray. And pray some more. I know that God has caught me more times than I can count as I have taken leaps into the unknown, my heart beating out of my chest and my friend Fear hanging on for dear life. 

But what I can’t quite figure out is how to kick Fear to the curb. How do I put it in the rear view mirror as I step into this next decade? 

Any ideas? 

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Create A Happiness Bubble


For this almost fifty lady, it’s like walking the gauntlet at the malls these days. The young kiosk vendors pounce immediately; at first coaxing with artificial compliments and when I say no thank you they become aggressive and soon insulting. Seriously!?!

At one point in Vegas, I told one to fuck off  – not one of my finer moment. To make it worse, my grown son was with me and he comforted me with soothing words, but I could tell he was trying not to laugh. And why not? His almost decrepit mother, on the brink of fifty, just told the pushy kiosk vender to fuck off. 

Awe the finer moments of life. 

I think all of the young, beautiful  kiosk vendors hawking their wares in the malls of America should begin by passing out adult beverages with their sample miracle creams. It might make swallowing their condensing,, artificial, back handed. compliments a little easier. 

A bit defeated, I found the Nordstrom cafe, a sanctuary for the elderly I suppose. But after a lovely salad and a chilled glass of Chardonnay, I’ve created a moment of loveliness that transcends the lines around my eyes. 


We should all create bubbles of happiness moments around us whenever we can. Each happiness bubble will be different for each of us. But anytime you have a minute to wrap yourself up in a happiness bubble do it! Shut the world’s opinion out. Remember that you are FABULOUS just the way you are – laugh lines and all! 

Fire 🔥 Word of the Year 

“You’re fired,” is that a period or an exclamation point? In my head, I hear a very loud exclamation point. I never sought out to watch the Apprentice years ago, but back then, you could hardly turn around without seeing clips of the infamous “you’re fired” being spouted by Donald Trump. 


I never imagined that one of the first reality television moguls, now turned President of the United States of America, would be spouting those same words to members of his staff in the Whitehouse. I wonder if our political system has turned into some warped reality television series leaving the viewers sitting on the edge of their seats wondering WTF? The news continues to rehash the American drama on prime time. Why not? I’m sure the ratings are climbing. 

Under fire…” this morning’s breaking news described gunshots being fired at a Virginia baseball field on the Republican congressional baseball team. Seriously!?!  Has the world lost its collective mind? It’s a ballfield. Its summertime. It’s a place of play not a damn warzone! I hear the exclamation clearly this time. 


A London tower emblazed in fire burns so swiftly accounts of children being thrown from the building is utterly heart wrenching. What desperation those poor souls must have felt in a moment of pure terror? I don’t even pretend to understand that crisis moment. My gut twists just thinking about the loss and devastation. 
And its only Wednesday. It’s only June, mid-year. It’s the year of the Fire Rooster. But does that mean that it’s ok to burn the world down around us? 

Fire.

It’s a harsh reality. But like the phoenix rising from ashes, may we too, as a collective, rise from this horrific onslaught to become a better, stronger society, turning away from violence to embrace peace – happiness – tranquility. This is my prayer for all of us.
 

 

Flower 🌺 Power

“A flower does not bloom for itself, but for the world; do likewise.”
– Matshona Dhliwayo


Happy Monday, Friends!

On Sunday’s, I’ve developed a little HAPPINESS habit, I drive to Trader Joe’s and buy myself flowers (they have an awesome assortment). This week I selected a bouquet 💐 of beautiful pink and white roses. 

I place the bouquet next to my bedside lamp, letting their soft fragrance lift my spirits in the sterile hotel room that has been my home for 6 weeks now. 

What makes you happy?

Cheers!

❤️

By the way, go check out Cees Showcase of Photography for more inspiration! 

Revelations Aren’t Always Easy

And when it happens, it can be sometimes hard to swallow. Like learning little things about yourself that is a bit uncomfortable. Now it doesn’t have to be the drama-life-altering-kind of revelation. Oh no.  In my opinion, it’s all the teeny, tiny revelations that can pile up into one big aha moment. 


I took myself out to a country bar in Katy, TX , called MO’s Place. It’s a little early, only 9pm. But if I stayed in the hotel room any longer I would have just crawled into bed and called it a night. Which I tend to do – a lot. But sometimes I think it’s important to remember I’m single and it’s Saturday night and I need to get out once in awhile. 
But it’s tougher here since I don’t have any going-out-kinda-friends and I’m not exactly  comfortable walking into a bar in Houston on my own. I know – the revelation has me confused too. 

I’m a seasoned traveler. I’ve stepped into foreign pubs, Vegas night clubs, and hole in the wall gems without much thought. And here I am triple thinking my decision to come out to listen to some live music and watch dancers circle the floor at a popular country bar. 

There’s something different from visiting a place to knowing that I now live here. I’m a little more cautious. It’s as if I’m skirting around the edges of the city, dipping a toe into its waters, uncertain which way the tide is flowing. Is it safe? Am I doing the right thing? It’s a dangerous city (don’t watch the news here!). I’m alone. I’m always alone. 

But the night is young. I step into the cavernous dance hall, pay the cover and find a seat at the end of the bar near the stage. I’m sipping a club soda, watching the place fill up with pretty young things in sparkling jeans and preening young men in cowboy hats.  The mating rituals have begun. It makes me smile. I feel extremely ancient. 

I can do this.  The knot in my stomach won’t relax. 

The band is about to start. An hour. I’ll give myself an hour.  

A man asks me to dance. It’s a simple two step. 

It’s time to adult. 

Let’s do this. 

Cheers

❤️
Daily Prompt Instructions: Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt. Not sure how to participate? Follow the link

 

Home – What Does It Mean To You?

“And then it happens all at once and unexpectedly. That is how things happen, I suppose. You pack your bags and find yourself walking yourself home.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“I just want to go home,” she said longingly. 

HOME. 

Home has as many meanings as there are people. But what is true is for me, is that Home is a place of love and serenity. It is an anchor for my soul as well as for my weary body. Home rejuvenates my mind, body and spirit. Home is my sanctuary. 

What does it mean to you?

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