Around The Next Corner, words

Saint or Sinner or A Little of Both?

I love the quote above. I think we should all try to get out of our heads a little bit more and enjoy the moments. I don’t do a very good job at it. Oh, sure, I’m a pretty good actress with acquaintances. I can laugh and smile with the best of them but often it’s a bit tinny with a hint of delicate glass giving it a surreal edge just a bit off center.

I was talking to A yesterday and he made the comment that I was an optimist seeing the glass as always half full. I was honest with him and explained that I see very clearly the negative side of things. I see both sides of the coin and choose to recognize the positive because it’s too easy to be swallowed up by the darkness. Yet I walk on that edge sometimes too often, letting my toes dip into waves of naughtiness, intrigued by the cool darkness and tantalizing edginess which make my blood pound and my pulse race with all that is forbidden. Just a little more, I tell myself, and then in a moment of clarity I pull back remorseful, turning my back and praying that my sins be wiped out.

So, I’m not an angel or an optimist. I’m a sinner like most and afraid that my vices will get the best of me if I’m not careful. What drives me to smile too bright, touch too intimately, and enjoy it too much? I suppose there resides inside of me a sinner and a saint arguing heavily about right and wrong.

Where do you sit on the saint or sinner spectrum? Are you black and white? Do you pretend to bury the ugly and embrace only the light? I was reminded this weekend of how easy it is to bury myself beneath a uptight facade. I get wrapped up in what I should be doing – the right thing… but what is the right thing? It took me an airplane ride and relaxing with a group of ladies that accept me just the way I am to remember it’s ok to cut up and have fun.

Once upon a time ago, I thought in black and white. Now I only see gray. The older I get the more surrounded I am by gray and smudged lines.

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2 thoughts on “Saint or Sinner or A Little of Both?

  1. I definitely see grey these days and try to look for reasons not just take things at face value… I think as you age, you mellow … like a good red wine 😃🦉

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