Stepping Into Fifty

49 and Counting

What does stepping into fifty look like? As I journey through my last year of my fortieth decade I’m beginning to ask a lot of questions. I feel as if I am on the cusp of puberty uncertain of the dramatic changes that I know are in store for me. I’ve heard stories. I’ve read and I’ve imagined and now I’m about to travel into my fifties.

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles Schulz

It’s funny how we all have self images burned into our psyche. The not real and the real collide in my brain like a kaleidoscope shifting and splintering until I’m not quite sure who I am anymore. And I think it’s important to know before I jump into the big 50.

I can tick the easy things off; 49, full time job that is uncertain, divorced for longer than I was married, a mother of two grown children and a grandmother of an adorable six year old little girl. These are the easy things. For years I’ve been living on autopilot. It’s hard to go deeper than that, but it’s time to take a peek at what’s under the hood.