Healing for Cracked Hearts

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 NIV

Snap, snap, there goes another crack, spidering lines along an already scared heart silently. Broken hearts are funny things because when they break there is no crash, no clatter just silence. And a pain so deep that breath stops for a moment.

But in that paralyzingly silence, the Spirit steps in with a balm to the broken. What can feel like forever and a day of invisible brokenness, is slowly soothed and each crack, each fissure deep across your heart mended.

It’ll never be a perfectly smooth untouched heart. Who wants that? For each snap is a story, a lesson, a love so deep that to wipe it away ruins the story of your life. All those little snaps and great big cracks are all about being open to life and trusting that when the pain gets too big to breathe that the Universe is the ultimate Healer.

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:26 KJV

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Finding Time in Lost Hours

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” Khalil Gibran

The last few weeks I’ve spent lost in everyday details of a fairly busy life preparing to move. But to be honest, I have also found myself lost between hours, disconnecting myself from the altogether overwhelming list of “to dos”. Instead, because time is so short with Miss R, I have indulged us both in play and overnight stays whenever I can.

“Will you remember me?” I asked her over the new Moana Lego set just recently erected with her momma’s help. She tilted her head, the way she always does when her young mind puzzles through something. She nods and chirps, “of course.”

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My heart hurts thinking about our soon to be separation.

I think ahead to summer vacation and the promised two weeks when my little family will join me in Texas. The “to dos” come crashing all around me and, instead of the momentary sadness of missing my grandchild,  I focus on all the blessings life has bestowed upon me.

Gratitude swells within me. I have worked towards this move for awhile. For years I have yearned for warmer weather, a fresh start and new opportunities. I am so blessed and so grateful for this next chapter in my life. But, being human, I also recognize the sadness, the profound grief, of this imminent move.

My list of “to dos” is calling me. Guess its time to get busy before I get lost in the hours again.

Cheers!

 

 

 

Wrong Bus


“Honey, never forget you’re awesome… you’re just sitting in the wrong seat, on the wrong bus,” my girlfriend said,  consoling me. 

Wrong bus.

I’m banging on the door, begging the bus driver to stop so I don’t miss my stop. He ignores me and keeps driving. The more I beg to get off, the faster he drives. Stop after stop flies by. Thoughts of jumping flashes through my brain but just as quickly ugly images of bloody gashes and broken bones flashes through my mind, keeping me frozen in my seat.

Fear. An ugly companion.

The bus turns a corner. Slows. My heart leaps. Was now my chance? Can I get off now? Would he let me go now?

A new bus driver steps onboard, sits down and the bus races on ignoring my request to let me get off at my stop. Instead, her hooded eyes sternly staring at me from the rear windshield mirror, tells me I’m on the wrong bus (like I didn’t already know that -ugg). Her words harsh as stones, fire at me, reminding me I don’t belong in the seat assigned and there is no place for me on her bus and there are no stops for the likes of me.

The bus stops.

The doors open – to an empty dirt road.

I get off the bus. It drives away.

Fear greets me.

Sigh.

I look closer. Behind Fear sits Potential.

Stepping around Fear I embrace my Potential.

 Thank you, D., for reminding me that there is always another bus on its way. 

How My Mother Saw Me

Going through an old file I stumbled upon my mothers papers, yellow and wrinkled from age. She’s been gone now for over 25 years and I still miss her. The loss of someone you love never goes away, it just becomes apart of you – ghostly memories that resurrect themselves, like now.

Slipping into her pages,  I found this hand written draft she wrote an eon ago about me as a little girl. This is how my mother saw me.

Her words are written below. 

Rene is an eight and one half year old girl of mixed blood – white European heritage – with 1/4 Cherokee, Seminole Indian. She weighs 50lbs, is 3 feet 6 inches tall, she wears a size 1 shoe in girls. She has hazel eyes, chestnut brown hair, a powder of big, brown freckles across her snub nose. Rene’s skin is medium light, tans very quickly and rarely sunburns, it is delicate in texture.

Rene slips from a merry little minx to serious studious Miss in a twinkling and in a minute more shes pouring over a trifle, screaching at her brothers or complaining over some imagined hurt to her vanity. She can sit still for an hour but most often she’s moving restlessly about the small apartment, out in the yard or talking for hours on the telephone.

This morning I asked her how old she was. She replayed eight. A moving insight. Most little girls her age would have said almost nine or eight and one half or eight and a half.

– Crystal Thomas Tuchel

Sparkles, A Pinch of Richness and Lots of Laughter

Remember gentlemen, it’s not just France we are fighting for, it’s Champagne! ~ Winston Churchill, WWI

A Good Match: A Photo Challenge 

Over the years my very dear friends and I continue to celebrate with a very good match; champagne, a pinch of richness and lots of laughter.

Like all of you, everyone leads busy lives.  The years move on, many have scattered around the country, families grow and it’s not as easy to come together as we used to do.  But, near or far, our friendship continues and is typically celebrated with something sparkling paired with decadent culinary surprises.

For those interested in learning more about how to select and serve your choice of bubbly you can read more here at WikkiHow.

Looking forward to our next get together!

Cheers, Ladies!

P.S.

I reached out to my very good girlfriend for sparkly glasswhere (she always has the prettiest table settings!) and she recommended Roost Brand. She even gave me a beautiful website where you can purchase some lovely items- Scarlett Alley.  Happy Shopping! 

Cee’s Share Your World Challenge

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.” — Charles William Eliot

Answer this week’s questions and post a comment with a link to your post in Cees Share Your World 

  1. When  you cut something with scissors, do you move your jaw (as if you were about to chew)?
  2. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
  3. Are you a collector of anything? If so what?
  4. What size is your bed?
  5. Optional Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

My Answers:

When you cut something with scissors, do you move your jaw (as if you were about to chew)?

Nooo. I haven’t ever done that…at least not that I can remember.

Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Nope. The most I will do (I try not too since it’s very annoying) is click my pen in rapid succession. SIGH, full confession, I’m a pen clicker!  I learned if I’m in a meeting to just leave the pen alone. Unless I’m taking notes or, sshhh, doodling (our secret).

Are you a collector of anything? If so what?

I’m not one for clutter so I try to keep collecting anything to a minimum. That being said, books, all kinds, magically find their way into my home.  I have my children’s old story books, my mother’s ancient science fiction books (who remembers Issac Asimov?), funny books from my girlfriends and favorite reads I have fallen in love with over the years .

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What size is your bed?

I have a beautiful, antique, cast iron, full sized bed. It sits very high up, so tall you almost need a step to climb into it. I have an addiction to lovely bedding, including plush down comforters and pillows. What it lacks in size it makes up in sweet dreamy loveliness and crisp cotton sheets. My bed happens to be one of my favorite places in the world.

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Optional Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

It continues to snow. And snow. And snow. Sunday Miss R, came over and we had a Sunday snow day. We watched movies. We made rice crispy treats. We played with her new Barbie and Monster High doll. We took bubble bath, snacked on fruits and veggies and ignored the piles of snow accumulating outside my door.  I am so blessed and eternally grateful for my wonderful granddaughter that continues to remind me how to play.

I’m open to the Universe to guide me into next week. I’m pretty sure whatever shows up will be an adventure to cherish.